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hotel room ftw
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
