I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You need Xanax blowdarts
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
