I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
