Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize