I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
