When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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