I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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