Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize