I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
