If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
