There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
