I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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