come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
