Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
