If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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