is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
