There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
