I heard we made out
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Hippo gnu deer
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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