Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
