WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
