So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
