You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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