you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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