is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
