I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
