Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
