I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
