Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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