maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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