theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
nutella sex= disaster
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
