Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
