i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
