we have pet lesbian snakes
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
