remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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