Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
