Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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