We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
