she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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