My hand turned me down
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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