Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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