Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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