I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
