I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
