he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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