He kissed a someone with a penis
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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