That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize