I think I won the penis lottery.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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