Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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