I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
