i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
