I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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