she takes plan B like it's going out of style
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
