omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize