I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
