I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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