I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
