I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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