textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
