so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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