I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
