The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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