I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
