i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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