My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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