Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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