I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize