I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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