i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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