I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
