and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
