i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
