you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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