that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
