Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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