when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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