my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
