i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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