You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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