seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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