4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize