so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
