I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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