Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
