ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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