i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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