Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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