Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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