how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
