Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
