peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
