All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
