Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize