the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
