i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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