One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
