You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize