my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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