Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
