You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
