You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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