HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
