I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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