absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
