she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize