I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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