but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
