Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
