my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
